I was surprised by the emotion that welled up inside me while writing my last two blogs. Retelling a story of so long ago, yet today it still brought tears to my eyes and heart.
What is that emotion still lingering? What is it telling me today?
I’m sure you’ve noticed, there are different tears for different occasions. There are all sorts of emotions that can bring tears to our eyes. My first thought of these tears were, “What the heck? Is this still painful for me?” So I answered my own question and determined that no that really wasn’t it.
Further reflection helped me see that this was a cleansing cry holding the emotions of compassion and pride.
My tears were full of compassion for that younger me. The younger me trying to do the best she could with what she knew at the time. My tears said “It’s ok, you did your best. Your heart was in the right place and you really did the best you could at that time in your life.”
My tears were also filled with pride. Pride again for my younger self who made it through that difficult time, got whole again and became stronger for it.
Yes, at first, the tears a month ago were a bit surprising but they felt good. It was good to revisit that story. It was good to recognize how far I’ve come. It feels good to not feel bad about it. It feels the best to know that I have my own back. I have my own back with compassion and pride.
Are there stories from your past that you hang onto with regret or shudder at the thought of a particular time in your life? If so, could you look at them a new with ALL the compassion you would give your best friend and say to yourself, “You did the best you could at that time in your life. You really did the best you could. You were fine then and you are better now.” Give that younger self a hug and release the you of today from any regret or pain.
When it comes to nice, let’s be nice to ourselves today. Let’s show ourselves that we have our own backs!
Post Script (and maybe a future blog)
I wish I could say I didn’t make the same mistake twice. I did. Later in life. But the good news is, I didn’t make the same mistake a third time. Thanks Don for coming into my life!