So step one:
Where am I currently at with this niceness/boundary thing?
As my recent plane experience clued me in on, I am not as strong as I would like to be when it comes to setting my own boundaries or speaking up for the fear I might come across as not nice. Until now, the discomfort or worry I would carry if I thought I did someone wrong has been greater than the discomfort of speaking up for myself or setting a clear boundary.
It is interesting that niceness, politeness, and properness have become somewhat of an out for me. Hmmm…my friend’s belief that nice is a negative emotion is getting more interesting!
What I don’t like about my niceness is when I use it as a reason to not speak up. Or I use it as a reason to not take care of myself. Or it causes me to be tentative or unclear in my words, actions and needs. Or I end up not being honest or genuine.
In all of those cases I end up feeling not so nice, deflated, insecure and unsure. How depressing!
Here is an example:
A few weeks ago I met with a graphic designer to discuss helping me with a logo and look for this blog site. When she heard the topic of my blog she immediately said, “Oh, I could really use that.”
So there we went, TWO nice people, out to lunch.
Two nice people out to lunch to talk business.
Two nice people trying to decide if they would work together.
And if so, two nice people with the task of agreeing on a project, parameters and price.
Two nice people…
Can you anticipate what happened?
By the end of our time together we had a really nice lunch and we also agreed to work together. Our agreement though was as clear as mud regarding parameters and price. Two nice people…
For me, this is one of those times that niceness played a role in my not being clear. In being “nice” and not clear, I was setting myself up for potential future discomfort. Do I really want to keep doing that to myself?
In this year of redefining niceness for myself, I might have to come up with a new and better word all together. Or find some other powerful words to associate myself with and balance along with being nice. If you have any good word suggestions, please send them my way!